The other day, whilst folding 1,400 newsletters, Nicky G. asked me what I was most afraid of as a child. I laughed, because I hadn’t thought about that in a long time. I was not afraid of dogs, or strangers. Monsters and ghosts held no sway with me. What was I afraid of? Three things: being murdered by an intruder, giant squid, and dying in a fire overnight.
The fire thing is fairly easy to explain. I was watching Rescue 911 (anyone remember that show? It came on right before Unsolved Mysteries. Another classic) and the story was about this family whose oldest son had gotten into trouble with a gang, and to prove a point, the gang set this dude’s house on fire. The two parents were killed, but the kids all got out. I can remember, to this day, the dramatized flames engulfing the living room, specifically the TV. I don’t know why that sticks out in my mind, but it does. For years afterward, I would obsess over whether or not our smoke detectors worked (they didn’t by the way. In 17 years living in that house, I don’t ever remember any operational smoke detectors). Thankfully, I have released this fear. Not that I am thrilled at the thought of tragically perishing in a fire. Needless to say, I have an operational smoke detector.
“Squid?” you might say. Seriously. They are vile. This also stems from a childhood experience. No, as you might have assumed, I have never had a Sperm Whalesque battle with a squid. I once watched this TV movie called “The Beast”. It was about this beach resort town that was held terroroized by a rouge, man-eating giant squid. They finally killed the squid, and realized in true melodramatic fashion, that it was a baby! Heavens to Betsy, we have now enraged the mother squid! Saints Preserve Us! It was pretty much a terribly filmed Jaws. Thankfully, they had the common sense not to name the film “Tentacles.” What horrified me the most was a scene wherein a diver went into the ocean for some reason, bubbles ominously appeared, the water turned red, and the diver’s wetsuit tragically floated to the surface. I was genuinely afraid that any body of water contained a giant squid, ready to feast upon my flesh. To this day, squid make me uncomfortable.
Intruders… I have no idea why I was afraid of being murdered. No one that I knew had been murdered, or even had their house broken in to. Yet still, it petrified me. I would practice waking up in the middle of the night and would keep my rate of breathing the same, so that infiltrator X would not know that I was awake and aware of his villainous presence. I slept with a racquet by my bed, just in case I had to fend off a violent serial killer. I would do weekly “murderer drills” just to keep my protective dexterity up to speed.
Today, thankfully, these fears have abated. We all face real fear in our lives, and it can be easy for that fear to become a defining feature of who we are. We are afraid of being rejected, so we never connect with people. We fear pain, so we stay in a protective emotional cocoon. We fear being inferior, so we do all we can to make ourselves the best and the brightest. Fear is a normal human emotion. It is a genetically hardwired protective response. But do we sometimes let fear control us? I know that there are things that I have missed out on, simply because I was afraid. I hate new things. I hate the unknown. I hate not being the best. All of those originate from fear. Quite simply, I am afraid of not being in control.
Paul told Timothy, in 2 Timothy 1:7, that God has not given us a spirit of timidity. That applies to us all. Thankfully, according to that same passage, we have been given a spirit of power, love, and self discipline. An interesting grouping of gifts. Everyone likes the idea of power and love. But who among us just pines after self discipline? It takes discipline to love that guy who once threw a bong at my head. It takes discipline to realize that fear can be conquered. It takes discipline. I have been watching Band of Brothers lately, and I am continually amazed at a soldier’s ability to do his job, despite the reality of a terrifying situation. They are able to operate functionally, because they have disciplined themselves. Because they are functional, doesn’t mean they are not afraid. They have learned how to control that fear to a point where they can do their jobs.
Fear is part of being human. Being able to overcome those fears, and be all that God has intended you to be, is part of having Jesus. Isaiah 41:10, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with me righteous right hand.” All those who have been called by His name have this spirit available to us. The spirit of Love, Power, and Self Discipline.
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